I arrived in Buenos aires last night. The city looked promising before i had even got out of the airport (the girl´s will know what I am on about) and my taxi driver was waiting holding a big card. Carlotta Schofield.
He was really nice and showed me around. A little minitour. I arrived at the tango inn back packers.
They put me in a room with an alcoholic, chain smoking 55 year old Brasilian woman who couldnt speak a word of Spanish or English.
The doors on the hostel are as big as the ceiling and the noise both them and the shutters make is excrutiating when opening and closing.
I fuck off to bed early thinking yeh - feel like shit, a good night´s sleep will do me the world of good.
Patsy comes staggering in and out about 5 times, undoing her steel locker in the dark with some torture chamber locks on it. Think she was using a crowbar and a sledgehammer to get them off.
The first time she enters the room, all I can smell is Vino. Big time alcafrolic. That smell of alcohol when plonkies are trying to disguise it with some manky potent perfume or potion. Rank.
Anyway she starts talking to me. For fucks sake i have my ear plugs in, my eye mask on and I am head to toe in my sleeping bag. What the fuck did she want? Couldnt understand a word.
I ignored her and everntually got up to go the bog making a right racket trying to open the prison door.
Get back into bed - we are both settled and I think bingo - off to Noddy Land now. Cant wait to get into that red car. She starts bollocking me for not locking the door and asking me where the key is. Well there are supposed to be 2 but obviously lazy arse didnt want to pay the deposit or had lost hers already. God knows! It took me 10 minutes to work out that was what she wanted. I lost my rag, i was all ´´que quieres?´ and loads of ´si´.
Within 5 minutes i thought a volcano was about to errupt. Snoring like a big on steriods. Seriously loud. Worse than my dad. I thought you annoying cow. I tried to sleep through it but knew it was impossible so I got up and went to reception in my Pyjamas to ask to change rooms.
No joy, i would have to wait until the morning and the 4 guys there, thought it was highly amusing. Can you imagine how angry I was. I hate anyone fecking with my sleep. Besides cheese and Jean Paul Gaultier it is one of those most important things to me. I would have to wait until the morning.
So I did and she woke up at 7am, to go out, probably to rummage through the bins for a brown paper bag. I got up and set out on a 2 hour mission to find other accomodation. Walking the streets of Palermo.
Eventually ended up back where I started with nothing. I had 5 minutes before I had to check out if i was leaving and was so tired, hungry and grumpy. Then a miracle happened.
I looked over the road and there was a tiny hotel. The Thames hotel. You could barely notice it. This was my last chance.
Susanna was adorable, another 55 year old lady but I liked this one and she has the same name as my mum so that was a good sign. For a bit more than my hostal, I have a double bed with private bathroom and a little cooking stove. perfect!!! Only catch is that it is on a main road. So lets see how it goes tonight. So I may stay here the whole duration and cancel my other place because it is twice the price and the location isn´t as good.
This morning I have also managed to put my washing in and to have a manicure and paraffin wax treatment. Things are looking up. Going for an all over tan next!!! You´ve been Tangoed mate!
Tonight I am off on a tour with the hostal I was in. Hopefully that woman ain´t on it, or it will be a mexican stand-off. Tango lessons (will push her over), dinner and a Milonga where they let you loose to do Tango on the public.
Firstly, i am off to get some shut-eye.
Argentina
Bookmark this page with: